Excerpts 1&2 of The Little Death by Paris Lord

I mean, I hadn’t ordered a dead body or anything, but there it was, waiting on my porch, blocking my door. A glance left, right. No one waited nearby. No sounds signified a retreat, either.

I spied a quiet, sunlit neighborhood on Catalina Island with small beach houses, big trees and a million dollar view. Seriously. That was how much I’d paid for my place. I worked part time as waitress and trained as a classical ballerina at night when I couldn’t find anything to watch on TV. While I only made pennies a day, I’d appeared on an episode of House Hunters, so my luxurious lodgings made total sense to everyone everywhere and anyone who said otherwise was lying.

Anyway. The dead body. I had just tried to step outside, only to knock my forehead into the glass pane. That’s when I’d spotted him, stuffed inside a black duffel bag. Had I mistakenly ordered a corpse instead of a large pepperoni with green olives? Could people do that now, and did they ever have two for one specials? Wait. Was this one of those times I wasn’t reacting to something “normally?” I heaved a sigh, lamenting the woes of pretending to care about anything, only to stumble back, shocked for the first time in my life. Was I truly seeing what I thought I was seeing?

Yes! I was indeed seeing what I thought I was seeing. My new neighbor had just parked a huge moving van at the curb between our houses. At least, I was assuming he was my new neighbor based on reasons.

He hopped out from the driver’s side, and despite the almost cool temperatures, he was shirtless, sweat glistening on his plethora of tattoos as if he’d been lifting weights during the drive.

Plethora. That was a good word. I’d have to remember to add it to my “I said something smart” calendar. Sweet! My third entry of the year. Anyway. The best part about Muscles? He wore the porniest pair of sweatpants I’d ever seen. The bulge! I would swear time slowed as my heart sped up.

Wait. Time had definitely slowed, because a kajillion thoughts raced through my mind between one of Muscles two hundred dollar an hour steps and the next. Did most of those thoughts revolve around his bronzed perfection? 

Yes. But a few hundred thousand revolved around my ex, possibly the worst human ever born from the dawn of time until the end of planet Earth, but I wasn’t 100% on that. I mean, I’d also met my ex’s mother, so it could be a tie.

Whatever. I hated speaking badly about people. But what the heck! I would make an exception today because I was trapped in that time warp with Muscles, who was walking as if the air had turned to molasses. My ex and his mother–

Wait again! Was Muscles headed straight toward me?

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